ISS

so, im sitting her in ISS, blogging, because I've skipped orchestra class a few too many times.
Honestly, i dont think they can consider this shit punishment.
it's more like relaxation.
srssly.
i get to do my work as quickly as i want and then i have the rest of the period to jackoff.

anyways, life has been pretty stagnant.
the past two days at school, we've been a part of this presentation called Shattered Dreams
its basically a pre-prom "Don't Drink and Drive" kinda thing
with a gay-ass "crash-scene" and careflight and the whole shebang.
whatevssss.

love life sucks. whats new?

SAT

went with my dad today to buy an SAT book and some vocab flashcards.
not that i don't have a large vocabulary or anything,
it's just always good to have some practice.

been thinking a lot about my future lately///
want to lead an 'extraordinary' life.
sometimes i think about being some boring joe for the rest of my life
and it scares me.
scares me enough to make me worry about the SAT.

maybe i'm just overreacting?

either way it deff. won't hurt me.


been thinking about my plans for life a lot, also.
i think that after i get my 'Microbiology' degree, i'm gonna work for a few years and save enough money to go to a fancy-pants college
to become a 'Doctor of Infectious Diseases'.
that's pretty much my dream job.

except that there's not a great chance i'll be famous,
and i know it's lame, but that's what i REALLY want.


sometimes i wish i could be a rich, socialite heir to a multi-billion dollar fortune
and i could just float by on that money 4ever,
taking on microbiology as a 'hobby'

party hard

been getting drunk lately

kinda like it.

but not too sure if i like that.

so, yesterday was one of those uneventful nights, where you start out expecting to have a real good time, but end up just getting ditched by some gay nigger going on a 'beer run'

but i got pretty tipsy and stoned.

all is well

sent my dad an email to buy me this cool vest:

really hope he gets it, cause i've been looking at it for a few months now.

post-branson, pre-exit-level testing

branson was a little more fun than i thought it would be. i got to be a dorky orchestra kid for 3 days and not worry, because i was fitting right in with everyone else.

sometimes its nice to just fit in.

getting so sick of school.

didn't go on 4/20

not going next tuesday

tired of fucking TAKS reviews.

been thinking a lot lately about transferring to the charter school.

dont know if that's such a good idea, though.

don't know if 'the blacks' will be able to look past my 'gayness'

i talked to Debbie today, which was weird

because i've been having a lot of dreams lately that im not sure if they were real or not, 

and they are mostly just like conversations or something like that.

so when she asked me how branson was, i thought she was joking,

cause i KNEW we'd had that conversation before.

but, alas, Prozac is playing mind games with me, yet again.

hope to see the shrink sometime soon.

its been a year.

i need to talk.

Branson

tomorrow is the orchestra trip to branson.

i've got a nice little sack, my pipe and a few cigarettes.

hopefully those will get me through it.

hope i have as much fun as these guyz

silver dollar city looks like my only hope for a 'good time'

deff cant wait to see this

stealing

someone dropped their wallet in class today

my friend picked it up and then asked me if i wanted it.

i said yes.

i knew it was the wrong thing to do, and i knew i would probably get caught.

but i said yes.

i ditched the wallet in the bathroom and hid the cards that were inside by someone else's desk.

i pocketed the 4 bucks that was in there.

so the kid who lost his wallet realizes he lost it, and starts looking for it.

he told the teacher and she called down the SRO 

he checked my stuff and let me go.

i thought i was clear, but at lunch, later, a friend told me that they found out i did it.

i started to sweat and shake.

in the beginning of 4th period they called me down, and on the way to the office

i saw the kid whose wallet it was.

i felt so bad, 

i just wanted to convulse right there on the linoleum, vomiting all over myself.

he  started walking the other way when he saw me.

that hurt even worse.

in the office, the SRO looked at me cause he knew i knew that he knew i had done it.

i felt even worse.

so he talked to me, with an AP to serve as witness, and i just told him i did it.

he had me fill out a report paper with an apology.

the words i wrote felt empty,

unable to truly describe just how awful and sorry i felt.

the SRO let me off with less than a slap on the wrist:

a lecture.

he told me about how he didn't judge me by this, how he knows im a good kid.

typical things i hear from most adults.

but then he said "you did something stupid. everyone does stupid stuff. even i do stupid stuff. i do stupid stuff everyday."

i know, lame, cliche, whatever.

but thats what he really said, and it really hit me hard.

its what kept me from crying in front of everyone in the office.

i shook his hand and walked back to class.

malcolm X

was a plagiarist.